I sit beside 36 Kinder Surprise eggs

December 18, 2014

"We recommend all passengers use the restroom before boarding."

The last time someone had suggested this to me, I was out of nappies sufficiently recently not to be trusted on car journeys lasting more than 15 minutes.

Superhero special

December 1, 2014

Today, I was watching 'Glee' and nearly threw-up over the cat.

I fail all Japanese tests ever

October 3, 2014

It was not a good week for language learning.

By which I mean that if my linguistic ability was the average for mankind, the wheel would have been invented 7,000 times since nobody would have been able to share their discovery.

America is mean to me

September 26, 2014

I had been having a great evening right until the point where a guy decided to hang onto the outside of my subway car.

Allowing time for prison

September 21, 2014

I looked down at my 'US Customs & Border Protection' form: it didn't look good.

There are fireworks and I lose all personal space

July 26, 2014

It was when I found myself clamped between two pairs of taut buttocks that it occurred to me this evening could have benefitted from more planning.

Beautiful intelligence?

July 11, 2014

As I walked through Hokkaido University campus this morning, my peaceful reflections were brought to a screaming halt by the site of one gigantic poster.

I pay in blood for family planning

July 8, 2014

Despite appreciating the obvious medical reasons behind this, there is something decidedly odd about sitting in a room full of pregnant women, waiting for a prescription for birth control.

Keep calm and keep your clothes on

July 1, 2014

I had just begun to give my lecture (Waves & Fluids: a masterfully prepared presentation) when I felt something hit my skin just inside the neck of my top.

I lock myself out of my apartment

May 16, 2014

Nothing really gets you out of bed faster than your cat leaving skid marks on your sheets.

Would you like to know the truth?

April 11, 2014

One the way back from lunch, I was accosted by a crazed religious cult.

World of ice

February 8, 2014

Stretching 12 blocks through the centre of the city, Odori Park in Sapporo is home to a wide variety of festivals that take place in the city throughout the year. None, however, is as famous as the 'Yuki Matsuri' or 'Snow Festival'.

I am pro-choice

February 7, 2014

Pro-lifers, I have a problem with you. You're not pro-life.

Two by two

February 3, 2014

Asahiyama Zoo in Hokkaido is one of the most popular zoos in Japan, with a visitor count of over 3 million a year. This number is surpassed only by Ueno Zoo in central Tokyo and the race is close, with a difference of a scant half-million in 2006, compared to a population ratio of 320,000 : 13 million.

My cat pees blood

February 1, 2014

I realised this particular Saturday afternoon was not going to go as planned when my cat leaped on my bed and peed blood all over the duvet.

Katakana: the ultimate 'Lost in Translation'

January 25, 2014

You know that feeling where you begin a test filled with certainty that the 100%, A-grade, best-student-ever, candidate for lord-and-master was in the bag? Only to be faced with soul crushing defeat of only one correct answer out of five, thereby proving every local 2 year old your superior?

No? Then let this be a lesson in humility whereby you never admit this to my poor broken soul.